A sermon I presented at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
A New Beginning
Today marks the end of a calendar year with the idea that tomorrow starts a fresh new year, with no mistakes. It is a popular time for most of us to make “New Years Resolutions”, setting goals to become a better self than the last year, striving for a new and better me! However, I find that if you are like most people, your new year’s resolutions are focused on attaining a specific tangible physical goal, such as – lose 10 pounds, exercise more, eat healthier etc. Not that there’s anything wrong with those resolutions. It’s just that it places a lot of stress on us to make sure that this year, we get it right! We promise our self that this coming year we’ll work harder and better to make it all happen. We buy the latest gadget, new workout clothes, anything that we think will help us succeed … and what if we don’t make it happen? Aren’t we usually hard on ourselves? Is it possible that perhaps we are focusing on the wrong thing?
I don’t know about you, but when I make a tangible resolution, I’m only setting myself up to fail. What I mean by failure is that I am not looking for the underlying cause that leads me to, for example, gain those extra pounds or to not exercise. If I want to be successful with any resolutions I set, I must work on my character, the core of who I am.
Stephen Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, mentions that there are two types of individual, those who rely on, Personality Ethic and those that rely on Character Ethic.
Personality ethic deals with superficial traits; it allows us to use techniques to get others to like us, presenting a self that is more appealing to the other. It is not who we are, but a false self that we think would help us get what we want. It is not authentic and can be perceived as manipulative. Sadly, today many individuals resort to Personality tactics, pretending to be someone they are not in order to please another and/or get what they want. It lacks integrity, and in most cases selfish. It is also the cause of numerous problems in your life. No one likes to deal with an individual who is not genuine.
Character ethic deals with virtues that are integrated into who you are. It is a genuine presentation of your true self, regardless of what others may want. When you focus on your character, you are being true to yourself and in turn, to others. You have integrity and others will perceive you as genuine.
I have come to the understanding that any resolutions I make must not only be good for me, but must be achievable and maintainable. That means that it must be something that is integrated into my being, my character. So instead of working on acquiring something tangible, what if we decided to work on virtues this year?
It is said that if you want to succeed at a particular task, learn from those that you admire, those that are successful in what you want to achieve. Allow me to use Benjamin Franklin (1706 – 1790) as an example of working on one’s character.
Franklin developed a list of 13 morale virtues that he felt were important to becoming the best he could be. He worked on these virtues on a daily basis. With each virtue, he had a precept that would serve as a reminder of what he was striving for. Although Franklin worked on all 13 virtues every day, for seven days, he would concentrate on one main virtue from his list, rotating to the next one the following week.
He kept a record of his performance, a chart he had designed, and at the end of the day he would place a mark on the virtues he had not practiced according to his standard. Noticing that some virtues had more marks than others, he would resolve to work harder the next day. It was his attempt at bettering his character and in turn his life.
Given that Franklin was quite a productive individual who had many accomplishments in his life, perhaps if would be good to look at his list of virtues:
13 Virtues
1) TEMPERANCE – “Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”
2) SILENCE – “Speak not but what may benefit others or your self; avoid trifling conversation”
3) ORDER – “Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time”
4) RESOLUTION – ‘Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve”
5) FRUGALITY – “Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing”
6) INDUSTRY – “Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions”
7) SINCERITY – “Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly”
8) JUSTICE – “Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty”
9) MODERATION – “Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve”
10) CLEANLINESS – “Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation”
11) TRANQUILLITY – “Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable”
12) CHASTITY - Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.”
And the last one:
13) HUMILITY – “Imitate Jesus and Socrates”[1]
What if, this New Year, we were to focus only on a few virtues, allowing us to work on our character? Franklin’s virtues could certainly be applicable today, perhaps with a more modern twist. Here are four that I have chosen for myself:
TEMPERANCE – Everything in moderation
Many of us can certainly relate to temperance. If you’re like me, you’re looking to lose a variety of stuff, weight, friends, bad habits, a spouse etc. This year though, I advise you to change the word “lose” to “release”. Let’s face it, when you lose something, you want to find it. It’s the law of losing; it will somehow come back to you, you’ve lost it therefore it needs to be found! (Gallagher) When you release something, you let it go! Therefore, this year, I am releasing lots of stuff and not just weight! With the practice of temperance, I will become an individual that enjoys the pleasure of life, in moderation. Moderation will cover many aspects of my life, thus leading to quite a few releases. No denial of pleasure, just the practice of moderation! Let’s face it, when you deny yourself something, you want it even more badly! So, moderation it is for me.
SILENCE - Dr. Phil’s McCraw’s father said “Never pass up a good opportunity to shut up!”
I love that quote and use it as a mantra! Silence, creates a pause, offering us an opportunity to be mindful, observing, reflecting, listening. With silence, comes time to think before we respond. How often do we put our foot in our mouth? If only we had practiced silence. For me, silence is a huge one, for it allows me the opportunity to practice other virtues, sincerity, kindness etc … all because of a pause. Pauses in life are a good thing …
ORDER – “The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t” – Joshua Becker
A chaotic mind, leads to a chaotic life. If you want order in your life, start by cleaning, uncluttering, your home, your office, and/or your garage. You might even add your car! Donate unwanted items to your favourite charity. You’ll be amazed how this simple act of cleaning leads to an uncluttered mind and in turn a less chaotic life. It’s a win win situation. When we have a lot of stuff, we worry about that stuff. Less stuff means less worry! So, when you get rid of the clutter you may find new opportunities/inspirations beginning to emerge!
FRUGALITY – You must gain control over your money or the lack of it will forever control you – Dave Ramsey
How often do we spend money on useless things? Has anyone ever considered the impact it has on our environment? Never mind the effect it has on our savings! Many retailers have what is considered in the industry “impulse” buys, those items that, upon arriving at your home, you wished you hadn’t bought. So, you place them in a drawer, in a closet, out of sight, out of mind. With frugality, comes the establishment of savings. You know that little stash of money that can be used for a special occasion. And if you absolutely feel the need to spend money, you could treat a friend. Or, why not send it to your favourite charity, your spiritual fellowship. Not only will it keep the landfill free of your trash, you are helping a good cause. Oh, and the consequence of reframing from buying useless stuff will be time not spent de-cluttering your life! There is a difference between a need and a want. Most of us purchase wants and wonder where our money went! Now, I’m not suggesting that you buy nothing, I’m merely saying think before you make a purchase. Pause … Frugality is not the same as being cheap. Frugality mean, you think and/or plan before you buy.
INDUSTRY –“Time is relative” – Albert Einstein
As relative as time is, as far as I know, everyone gets 24 hours a day to do as they please. It is the one commodity that we can never get back; therefore, it might be beneficial for us to use our time wisely. Franklin structured his day so that no time would be wasted. He concentrated on the work that needed to get done. Focus and productivity were key to getting things accomplished! How do you structure your time? Are there areas in your life that you could use the time more constructively? One thing I have done is removed the phrase, “I didn’t have the time”. Seriously, how true is that for most of us? For me, if I honestly look at myself, the time was there, I just wasted a lot of it. You might want to take inventory of how you spent your time throughout the day. You might be surprised at how much time you waste. It was certainly a shocker for me. What I do know is that by structuring my time efficiently, it allows me to accomplish more in my life. I am able to devote more time to areas of my life that will lead to greater personal success.
Conclusion
When we use personality ethic to acquire favours, and/or individual in our life, we are setting ourselves up for failure and the possibility of hurting others. People will like/fall for the false self that you presented and not who you are. And when you can no longer maintain the charade, it’s the real you they will no longer want to deal with. Ouch! It is a self-centered tactic that will lead only to problems. Playing a false self is exhausting, so why not present the authentic you?
If you want to make small improvements in your life, it would serve you to work on your character traits and not your personality traits. By working on character traits, you set yourself up for long-term success. To quote Covey, “People can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate virtues into their basic character”[2] (Covey, p. 26)
In the service pamphlet is a replica of Benjamin Franklin’s Virtue Chart and on the back you will see his schedule. I like that he had a morning and evening routine. He began his day with a question “What good shall I do this day?” thus setting his intension for the day. In the evening, he reflected on his day. Key habits to take on if one wants to improve. Notice that he slept for 6 hours? He lived to the age of 84!!![3] I think it is fair to say that Benjamin Franklin is a good role model for those of us who want to work on our character.
I shall close with a quote from Rumi – “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I’m changing myself”
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Thank you for your kind words!